Yesterday Robynn was sick and maybe a little delirious (some would may say clairvoyant). She asked me a question:

Robynn: Who’s that guy that’s like god?
Me: umm..Jesus?
Robynn: No, the other one, the one that knows kung fu
Me (throughly confused): Are you talking about Bruce Lee?
Robynn: No no, it’s a white guy
Finally I understood, Me: Oooohhh, you mean Chuck Norris!
Robynn: YEAH! That’s the one!

She then promptly passed out. I’m sure this kind of mistaken identity happens to Chuck Norris all the time.

I had this wicked sweet dream last night where the world was being taken over by zombies, but not just any zombies, Musical zombies. These zombies craved brains alright but they also craved to talk about the talents of Duran Duran or how great the Monkeys were. See, the zombies had bad taste in music, that was the scary part.

They’d groan stuff like “Vanilla Ice was the last great artist!”. It was terrible, I fought as many as I could. I killed like five zombies with a shovel; no easy task I might add. Finally though, I succumbed to the hungry zombies and became one of them.

Amazingly enough I managed to retain some taste in music. I had like three other zombies with me and we went to go see if we couldn’t scare up some brains. We sauntered over to a house while discussing the merits of folk-rock and knocked on a door.

Suddenly from behind us we saw a drug dealer looking dude saunter around the corner with an UZI and he smiled. I dove to the side as my zombie companions were mowed down. I ran for my decaying life limbs flailing with some sort of beat rock mantra stuck in my head. I hid behind a car and finally I laid down in the ditch between the road and the sidewalk. I was just behind a car and a few inches from the sewer.

As I saw more guys gathering up the street, I considered going down the drain but I didn’t want to get all dirty (I was going to a concert later). There I lay, watching the feet up the street from under the car I was hiding behind. Finally the fear subsided and I attacked a police woman telling her about the value of having multiple keys on a song all the way…

A lot of news has been bouncing around lately about the Acid 3 test, who is passing it who isn’t, who is getting what score and who cares.

For those of you who don’t know, the Acid 3 test checks your browser for next-gen compatibility. Actually for those of you that don’t know what the Acid 3 test is…sorry, this is a boring post to you.

Anyway, Safari just scored 100 and is the first browser to really pass the test! It’s very exciting and I think it’s going to push browsers to a new level. I mean, IE 8 just passed Acid 2..it’s only a few years old but they’ve vowed to be standards compliant. Unfourtunatly my favorite text-based browser lynx isn’t doing to well. Even internet explorer can get 6 out of a 100 on the acid 3. Lynx on the other hand does much worse, in fact it just gets a question mark. Sad.

This doesn’t look anything like the reference drawing!:

Justin recently linked to a post making fun of extremely tactical security and as someone with experience in retail I have to call the fault on Justin here. Security is no laughing matter.

My first deployment

My first deployment was in Viet Nam and Justin would probably be the first one to point out that I am too young to have been in the war. Well guess what smarty pants, I I never said I was there during the war. My deployment came with orders from the top and my presence was not to be noted in the international stage but you can better believe that Charlie remembers my work well and they still speak my name with hallowed observance.

My mission to Lovesac - ie how I saved the mall

My friends know that while I was “in high school” I worked at LoveSac in the mall. I can’t tell you which one because it hasn’t been declassified yet but my station there was for security purposes. You wouldn’t believe how many 12 yr old punks were in there with Body Armor and AKs looking for a good time. I put my life on the line daily to protect the innocent shoppers.

I had numerous situations involving kids that would not respond to orders to “be quiet” or “don’t touch the displays” and more than once I had to stomp my boot on some young terrorists hell-bent on disrupting normal shopping patterns.

My equipment

The afore mentioned thread contains a lot of quips about how tactical gear is not necessary for Mall Security but guess again, what do you think highly trained speical ops guys that attack the mall are going to be carrying!? High-powered rifles, HKs, AKs, ARs, C4 and one time we had a biological weapon of deadly fast-food proportions.

Here’s what I use (all equipment I train with virtually daily using the Call of Duty 4 Combat simulator

• AK-74u
• G3
• 2x concussion grenades
• Barret .50 sniper rifle
• Tk-83 Tactical Smoke Grenades

The importance of planning

The scariest moment we had during my Tenure at lovesac security was the moment we almost had to initiate Plan #227 which designates an attack of the undead. The plan calls for the extermination of any sentient lifeforms within the mall grounds as they would become instant food and fuel for Zombies that overrun the mall.

We damn near put the plan in action when a kid dressed as a zombie came on site but after damn near killing him we found out that he really only liked turtles.

A word to Justin

Don’t make fun of the hardcore hard rollers that are protecting you every day. The next time you hear someone crawling around in the vents you can rest assured that I or one of my collegues will be there to stop the terrorist on our daily vent patrols. You have no idea how many BOMBS/Claymores I’ve defused set by DANGEROUS CRIMINCALS in the line of security detail!

I spend at least 45 minutes everyday ducktaping gear to my naked body so that I can be ready for anything. So the when you see me again and realize that I have a skrewdriver on my belt you’ll know why, its to defuse chemical weapons of mass destruction that threaten YOUR lifes!

gioco di rouletteregole gioco roulettegiochi jack blackcasino download gratisroulette giocaslots machines gratisforum casino onlinecasino en lignekeno gratiscasino games,casino flash games,download casino gamesdownload casino gameswww casino online comvideo poker machinesgioco pc casino,casino pc,pc game casinocasino on line roulettecasino liveregole baccaratcasino da scaricare gratisdownload gioco rouletteblack jackweb casinocasino online mobilegiochi keno gratisgiochi casino flashgioco roulette gratis,gioco roulette,regole gioco roulettecasino’ onlinecasino on line gamblingcasino bonus senza depositogiochi blackjackcasino online sicuriadvanced video pokerroulette livestanze di gioco miglioricasino tropez gratiswww casino onlinecasino o netcasino italia bonusplay blackjack onlinecasino online in italianocasino sanremo on lineplay casinoaprire un casino onlineenquete casino on netrisposte casino on netgioco crapscasino on net,risposte casino on net,casino on net pone un icona sul desktoppoker bettingpoker onlineonline casino poker tournamentdraw poker

That’s right, Duke Nukem forever is finally coming out.

The game was first slated for release in 1997 and after it got cancelled over and over again for a few years it finally earned a place as a measure for “hell freezing over;” an early warning system, if you will, for the coming cleansing of earth and water.

Quake now! For that time is upon us!

Update
Some doubted the Duke Nukem prophecy but now there is a release date for Spore! Nothing will stop the reckoning now!

The signs are upon us

Anyone who has heard of usenet or hasn’t thinks it’s some kind of mythical place; much like the internet is to seniors. Seniors say things like

I read that on the google!

I used to say “I saw it on the internet” and no more questions were asked, but now people want links and addresses and references! It’s worse than wikipedia.

My new strategy is to just say “oh yeah, it was all over the Usenet” then people won’t ask for links and references, it will just understood that it came from the land beyond and is not to be trifled with

When I was a kid

I used to think a lot about the future. On TV they showed that wars in the future would be fought with laser guns.

Logically, that meant that instead of using kevlar or whatever body armor we use today we’d have to use mirrors. Obviously, mirrors are the only thing that could deflect a powerful laser. This meant that soldiers would wear mirror armor.

I realized how lame it would look compared to the combat apparel of the day and immediately prayed that laser guns would never become the weapon of choice.

So far, so good.

I was inspired by a script I found on userscripts today. The script makes it easy to block comments from users on Matt Cutt’s blog. I got to thinking, that’s great for when Im reading Matt Cutt’s blog but what about when Im reading someone else blog? Or maybe another website?

Introducing an Advanced Script

After writing a script to create free energy and another one to automagically fill up my bank account with other people’s money I figured I could write a really great script to filter out stupid comments.

First I started off with a black list of words, “duh”, “as anybody knows”, “nazis” and “obviously you haven’t” all made the top of the list. Then I built a comparison engine to compare the surrounding content with related words in google scholar and wikipedia. I figure if someone said it in google scholar and wikipedia it must be awesome good.

After comparing the content on the page the comparison engine checks to see if anyone has ever said something similar in youtube comments.

All this data is fed as data into SETI@Home (getting rid of comment spam is probably more important that finding white noise) and a detailed report is filed and using all the data along with some more trade secret variables each comment is given a point value, 1 being absolutely important and 10 being a comment on youtube absolute drivel.

The user then sets their tolerance ratio and is free to speedily read through comments.

But there was a problem

Now, I’m opening up development to the community because I need help. My system, awesome as it is, seems to work a little too well. All the comments on digg are flagged at a 10, user forums are desolate wastelands with few surviving comments. Actually, the script also appears to flag all the content on livejournal and if you try to goto myspace all you get is a blank page!

The only sites that do seem to work correctly are slashdot and any site not in english. Oh, except no sites in French have been left unblocked.

My design appears to be perfect and I can’t find out what’s wrong. I posted on a development forum about my problem but no one responded…or they did and the script blocked them. I don’t know.

I’ll release the code shortly to see if making this project open source can bring it to completion.

Update:I’ve included the only picture of Greg that I have. Enjoy

I once was standing in the streets of a city called Reims (pronounced Ran-ce) in the north east of France when I was confronted by the only American I didn’t know in the town. He was dressed in green like the green bums (that is, there were the green bums who had a lot of dogs were generally aged 18-24 and we something akin to rude hippies on most occasions).

Greg was really excited to talk to me because I spoke english he had a sign that his french girlfriend had made him before dumping him in the streets that said something like “Je suis coincé en France, une piece svp” (I’m stuck in france, a little money please). He asked me to translate it for him actually.

Greg told me stories

Ah yes, Greg went on and on and told me all kinds of great stories. Like the time he and his friends were abducted by a summer sales, energy vampire cult. He was with his girlfriend and his friend and whenever they tried to leave some cult girls (#4 on the hotness scale right after “girls in school girl out fits” and “passed out cheer leaders”) would come over and bring the single one back in. Luckily Greg was immune (he already had a girlfriend, a french one that would drop him on his ass in france several years later).

Greg had ideas

Great ideas in fact. He wanted to start a band that was theme based around the transformers. Of course, they would all have transforming costumes and he would ride out onto the stage on his skateboard and then transform from a box into the lead singer; then and he said this part was crucial to the whole thing they would play that sound that the transformers make when they…transform.

Greg had useful information

Greg mentioned the mind expanding power of hallucinogens. I mentioned that I had a friend who had recently quit shrooms because she started coughing up blood. He said that it was possible because shrooms gave people the power to bleed in addition to expanding their minds.

Greg accidentally desecrated Notre Dame de Reims

Like all green bums(see above) Greg had a dog. One day it fell ill and he wanted very badly for his dog to regain it’s strength. He prayed very hard but to no avail. He finally went to the Cathedral in Reims to seek a blessing.

Unfortunately for Greg they didn’t allow dogs and they wouldn’t bless one. So, desperate, he gathered his puppy up in his arms and ran past the priests straight to the center of the cathedral. There he put his dog on the altar and knelt down in prayer.

He admits that onlookers must have thought that he was praying to the dog but said, in his defense, that his dog did regain full health.

Greg had a plan

I don’t remember what it was but he was going to get back to america some how and stop living as a SDF (Sans domicile fixé - someone without domicile see: Bum). I told him to goto the US embassy and he said he had already done that but they wouldn’t let him take his dog so he’d have to come up with the money to send his dog home.

The last vestiges of Greg

Greg disappeared for a while. Every time I ran into a green bum I asked him where he was. Some were suspicious, others were helpful. The last person I talked to told me that Link (thats what the french bums called Greg) had left the country. I smiled and said “so he’s gone back to america?” and they smiled even broader and said “no, to Amsterdam”.

I wonder where Greg is now…

Wordpress has a simple back end with some nice features. One of the things you can do is save your posts before you publish them. This allows you to work on several articles at once or start on an idea and never finish it (more the latter than the former).

Today, after deleting a few drafts I stopped and looked at the titles that I still had left.

I personally thought this list of titles was at worst interesting but mostly funny. Just a silly conglomerate of out-of-context snippets. So, I’ve decided to finish one of these posts and you, the user, gets to decide which.

[poll=22]

Just for the record, these drafts are drafts for a reason, they may not be any good; so choose wisely!