Musical Zombies

I had this wicked sweet dream last night where the world was being taken over by zombies, but not just any zombies, Musical zombies. These zombies craved brains alright but they also craved to talk about the talents of Duran Duran or how great the Monkeys were. See, the zombies had bad taste in music, that was the scary part.

They’d groan stuff like “Vanilla Ice was the last great artist!”. It was terrible, I fought as many as I could. I killed like five zombies with a shovel; no easy task I might add. Finally though, I succumbed to the hungry zombies and became one of them.

Amazingly enough I managed to retain some taste in music. I had like three other zombies with me and we went to go see if we couldn’t scare up some brains. We sauntered over to a house while discussing the merits of folk-rock and knocked on a door.

Suddenly from behind us we saw a drug dealer looking dude saunter around the corner with an UZI and he smiled. I dove to the side as my zombie companions were mowed down. I ran for my decaying life limbs flailing with some sort of beat rock mantra stuck in my head. I hid behind a car and finally I laid down in the ditch between the road and the sidewalk. I was just behind a car and a few inches from the sewer.

As I saw more guys gathering up the street, I considered going down the drain but I didn’t want to get all dirty (I was going to a concert later). There I lay, watching the feet up the street from under the car I was hiding behind. Finally the fear subsided and I attacked a police woman telling her about the value of having multiple keys on a song all the way…

The Joy of Family

The other day we were babysitting watching my Nephews and one of them came storming in still yelling at his brother

“Gawwwl, you’re such a BABY! WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO PRE-SCHOOL AND LEARN HOW TO FIGHT LIKE A MAN!”

Funny, the curriculum must have changed since I was a kid…

Even without apple-care…

I found a bug in time machine, at least on my machine anyway. For those of you that don’t know what time machine is it’s the backup software built in to OS X. With my recently acquired 1 terabyte HDD I thought I was all ready to start doing backups. I was wrong.

Time Machine messes up my computer

It’s sad but Time Machine appears to cause all my USB 2.0 ports to slowdown to 1 MB/s which is actually slower than my internet connection. That means transferring files is a CRAZY huge pain which is funny because that’s the only thing an external hdd can possibly be used for.

When I first discovered the problem I searched around Google a little bit but was so frustrated I decided to call Apple. Normally I just read the literature and fix my problems my self. But I was in a hurry and I couldn’t find anything quick and I was so mad at my computer that I just wanted to have it solved.

Calling Apple Support

While the guy on the support line was polite he couldn’t help me because I’d had my computer more than a year. His solution was to open up a support line for $45 or schedule an appointment with an “Apple Genius.” I grumbled never mind and hung up.

I got a survey in my email from Apple wondering how my tech support phone call went. I told them horrible and that I was dissatisfied; not because of the tech support rep but because of the policy.

Quickly, I forgot about the whole thing and just stopped using Time Machine (that seems to fix the problem).

A follow up phone call

To my surprise Apple called me yesterday about the survey. They saw that I was very dissatisfied and wanted to see what the problem was. I told them that I understood the policy that I can’t get support because my purchase is more than a year old but that it seemed to me that because I had never asked them for anything, not even a single phone call, that it would be nice to get the help I was looking for.

I’m a really low maintenance customer for just about everything, I do all my troubleshooting by myself or using “the google” and I don’t require much out of Apple other than that my computer work. Because of that I sort of feel like the one time I call, regardless of how long it’s been since I bought my product, I ought to get a little help.

“Steven” the apple guy that called me, told me he thought it was a good idea and that it might shape policy in the future (I know, I know, that’s like getting a winning banner ad on the internet; but still it made me feel good). He even went through the trouble of sending me some more literature on my problem.

Hey, awesome.

So kudos to Apple support, thanks for following up with an unsatisfied customer and making them satisfied. My next computer will be the same brand as the one Im typing this blog on :)

The Acid 3 Test

A lot of news has been bouncing around lately about the Acid 3 test, who is passing it who isn’t, who is getting what score and who cares.

For those of you who don’t know, the Acid 3 test checks your browser for next-gen compatibility. Actually for those of you that don’t know what the Acid 3 test is…sorry, this is a boring post to you.

Anyway, Safari just scored 100 and is the first browser to really pass the test! It’s very exciting and I think it’s going to push browsers to a new level. I mean, IE 8 just passed Acid 2..it’s only a few years old but they’ve vowed to be standards compliant. Unfourtunatly my favorite text-based browser lynx isn’t doing to well. Even internet explorer can get 6 out of a 100 on the acid 3. Lynx on the other hand does much worse, in fact it just gets a question mark. Sad.

This doesn’t look anything like the reference drawing!:

Extremely Tactical

Justin recently linked to a post making fun of extremely tactical security and as someone with experience in retail I have to call the fault on Justin here. Security is no laughing matter.

My first deployment

My first deployment was in Viet Nam and Justin would probably be the first one to point out that I am too young to have been in the war. Well guess what smarty pants, I I never said I was there during the war. My deployment came with orders from the top and my presence was not to be noted in the international stage but you can better believe that Charlie remembers my work well and they still speak my name with hallowed observance.

My mission to Lovesac - ie how I saved the mall

My friends know that while I was “in high school” I worked at LoveSac in the mall. I can’t tell you which one because it hasn’t been declassified yet but my station there was for security purposes. You wouldn’t believe how many 12 yr old punks were in there with Body Armor and AKs looking for a good time. I put my life on the line daily to protect the innocent shoppers.

I had numerous situations involving kids that would not respond to orders to “be quiet” or “don’t touch the displays” and more than once I had to stomp my boot on some young terrorists hell-bent on disrupting normal shopping patterns.

My equipment

My tactical ninja gearThe afore mentioned thread contains a lot of quips about how tactical gear is not necessary for Mall Security but guess again, what do you think highly trained speical ops guys that attack the mall are going to be carrying!? High-powered rifles, HKs, AKs, ARs, C4 and one time we had a biological weapon of deadly fast-food proportions.

Here’s what I use (all equipment I train with virtually daily using the Call of Duty 4 Combat simulator

  • AK-74u
  • G3
  • 2x concussion grenades
  • Barret .50 sniper rifle
  • Tk-83 Tactical Smoke Grenades

The importance of planning

The scariest moment we had during my Tenure at lovesac security was the moment we almost had to initiate Plan #227 which designates an attack of the undead. The plan calls for the extermination of any sentient lifeforms within the mall grounds as they would become instant food and fuel for Zombies that overrun the mall.

Obey the turddleWe damn near put the plan in action when a kid dressed as a zombie came on site but after damn near killing him we found out that he really only liked turtles.

A word to Justin

Don’t make fun of the hardcore hard rollers that are protecting you every day. The next time you hear someone crawling around in the vents you can rest assured that I or one of my collegues will be there to stop the terrorist on our daily vent patrols. You have no idea how many BOMBS/Claymores I’ve defused set by DANGEROUS CRIMINCALS in the line of security detail!

I spend at least 45 minutes everyday ducktaping gear to my naked body so that I can be ready for anything. So the when you see me again and realize that I have a skrewdriver on my belt you’ll know why, its to defuse chemical weapons of mass destruction that threaten YOUR lifes!

tactical belt

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Ways to Spot a Spammer

With blogs being all the rage that they are they attract a lot of attention from Spammers. Many new bloggers don’t really know how to spot a spammer so here are some of the things that I use.

What to lookout for

Watch out when a someone says says “I saw your site on google,” “I saw your site on technorati,” or “I found your site through a friend”. All of these statement are obviously false because I’m practically invisible on google and technorati and everyone knows that I don’t have friends, let alone friends that read my blog.

Other things spammers say with my response

  • “WoW Gold for cheap” - Wow, I can find gold for cheap?!
  • “Viagatrex [followed by anything]” - Why wouldn’t I want someone to come tell me about new exciting drugs on my blog!
  • “Exciting business opportunity…” - There’s only one Exciting business opportunity I’m interested in.
  • “QSDVJssZDESXz!!1″ - No thanks, I’m trying to quit.
Repent! Repent! The Apocalypse is upon us!

That’s right, Duke Nukem forever is finally coming out.

The game was first slated for release in 1997 and after it got cancelled over and over again for a few years it finally earned a place as a measure for “hell freezing over;” an early warning system, if you will, for the coming cleansing of earth and water.

Quake now! For that time is upon us!

Update
Some doubted the Duke Nukem prophecy but now there is a release date for Spore! Nothing will stop the reckoning now!

The signs are upon us

Zune for Mac

ZunePod

A while ago woot.com had a deal on refurbished Zunes. I got me a 30 GB white one and people were like “What in the hells man? You have a Mac!”

Right they were, I do have a mac. But it was 30Gbs of sweet mp3 storage for a hundred bucks! Who could pass that up? (if I read a single comment that says “I would” I swear…)

So what do I think? Has it been worth it? Read on if you are so brave (more…)

My New Hobby

Anyone who has heard of usenet or hasn’t thinks it’s some kind of mythical place; much like the internet is to seniors. Seniors say things like

I read that on the google!

I used to say “I saw it on the internet” and no more questions were asked, but now people want links and addresses and references! It’s worse than wikipedia.

My new strategy is to just say “oh yeah, it was all over the Usenet” then people won’t ask for links and references, it will just understood that it came from the land beyond and is not to be trifled with

Some Shoe Love

I’ve been tell’in a buddy of mine that I was going to write about his blog for a long time. So now I finally will.

Shoes of the Day is run by a completely heterosexual male who really likes shoes. I have laughed at 4 of his last 5 posts so check it out. Shoe lovers especially should find it in the very least interesting.